leonkumquat:

when my dad was in college he had a friend who told a girl he’d take her on a date unlike any other she’d ever been on and so he took her to the supermarket to watch the lobsters fighting in the lobster tank

they’re married now

(via pizza)

condorn:

I love when people shut the fuck up

(Source: condom, via fake-mermaid)

solluxander:

can you illegally download sleep

(Source: cisphobic, via fake-mermaid)

injuries:

you’re so cute I just wanna hug you and kiss you and cuddle with you and also fuck you but hey man it’s whatever

(via fake-mermaid)